Making Friends in France: What Americans Need to Know Before Moving.
For many Americans, making friends in France turns out to be harder than securing a visa. And for some, loneliness becomes the unexpected challenge of moving abroad. No one relocates to France expecting isolation. They expect beauty. Markets. Architecture. A slower rhythm of life.
Recently, I had the good fortune to meet “Chat GPT Julie.” (Read more here!)
Julie loved France. She loved Paris. What she didn’t expect was how difficult it would be to build lasting friendships there. And that — not paperwork, not healthcare, not bureaucracy — is what eventually sent her back to the United States to reconsider life in France.
This is the part of relocation no one puts in the brochure.
Why Making Friends in France Is Different
In France, friendships often form early and remain stable. School. University. Later, through children. After those stages, social circles tend to solidify. People are not unfriendly. They are simply established.
For Americans, this feels unfamiliar.
In the U.S., social circles expand easily. Invitations are casual. Newcomers are often folded in quickly. In France, connection builds more slowly. It grows through repetition, shared experience, and trust built over time. Warmth frequently follows familiarity.
Understanding that cultural difference matters. Without it, Americans may misread reserve as rejection.
Why Paris Can Feel Lonely for Americans
Large cities amplify the issue.
In Paris, Julie found herself forming friendships mostly with other expats — people who were also searching for connection. But expat life is often temporary. Just as relationships deepened, someone would move back to the U.S. or relocate elsewhere. The result is a cycle: build, connect, start over.
Loneliness abroad carries a particular weight. At home, even if you feel isolated, you have shared history and long-standing context. In a new country, you are building all of that from zero. For Americans considering a move to France, especially later in life, this is not a small consideration.
Small Towns and Integration
Smaller towns and villages can offer a different experience. Daily life overlaps more naturally. You see the same faces at the market, the bakery, and local events. Over time, you become known.
But there is one factor Americans consistently underestimate: language. If your French is limited, your relationships will likely remain limited. Humor, nuance, and depth require proficiency. For those hoping to make friends in France and build meaningful friendships, a serious language commitment is essential. Even then, patience is required.
France does not operate on instant intimacy. It operates on continuity.
What Americans Should Think About Before Moving to France
Before relocating, it’s worth asking:
How important is making friends in France to my daily happiness?
Am I comfortable building relationships slowly?
Do I want a primarily French social circle, an international one, or a mix?
How will I handle turnover in expat communities?
If you are moving after 55, you are not stepping into built-in networks like school or parenting groups. You are building community intentionally. France offers beauty immediately. Belonging takes longer. Julie didn’t leave because she stopped loving France. She left because she wanted roots.
For Americans planning a move, this is not a warning. It is preparation. If you picture yourself in France five years from now, who is sitting at your table? That question deserves as much attention as visas, taxes, and real estate.
Yes, Julie Returned to France
Julie’s love for France never changed. What she needed was a different way to experience it. Instead of leaving altogether, she started asking better questions — including where in France she should go next. The answer pointed her south, to a small town she hadn’t planned on. She is making her home now in Uzès. She’s hosting visitors who would like to visit the south of France and, perhaps, choose to live here.
Check out Julie’s videos on YouTube to experience her vision of life outside the US. Then check back for more on travels Julie can plan for you!
Moving to France?
For those planning a move to France, this is exactly the kind of reality we talk about at French Footsteps — the parts that shape daily life, not just the move itself. Visit here.
18 Responses
Thanks for writing this.
I’m confused. Are you saying Julie returned to the US for good? Because I also read that she’s making a home in Uzes.
Thanks
Shelly, thanks so much for your note. You’re absolutely right! It was confusing the way I’d written about Julie’s next steps. Check it out now and let me know if this makes it clearer. I always need a good editor! Merci.
WHAT A TERRIFIC PROBLEM TO DISCUSS. WE MOVED TO NIMES AND HAVE FOUND GREAT FRIENDS. ALSO OUR BUILDING ONLY HAS THREE TENANTS AND WE ALL GET ALONG BEAUTIFULLY. I LOOK FORWARD TO IMPROVING MY FRENCH, BUT ALREADY WE ARE PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD. WHAT A GIFT!!!!!!
I love Nimes, too. So happy for you. Good friends and neighbors are the answer. I’ve been fortunate in Uzés to feel connected, too.
This is not exclusive to Paris or France. We moved to a new small city in the US south (closer to our hometowns), and have found the same. We’re older, and older folks tend to be already established in their social circles and activities. Social circles do not expand easily here. I have joined clubs and card groups, as well as volunteer groups. Everyone is “friendly” at meetings, but it ends there. I have never had an issue of making friends, so it’s been a bit of a surprise.
Cheryl, I know this exists everywhere –even in the southern US where you expect people to be friendly. And when you are in a place where everything else is so different, it seems magnified. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things to meet people. Just watch out for newcomers. They’ll need a friend. Thanks for reaching out.
I have been living in France for over 30 years and while I have a few very lovely friends here, I still have so many more friends back home in Australia…even after all this time. I quite agree, it’s much harder to slip into friendships here.
Hi Liza! Happy to hear from you. You bring up something really interesting to me. I have many more friend in the US than in France. But over the years, those older friendships fade because we don’t see each other, and don’t reach out as much. I’m sure it has to do with how often you return to Australia. My visits to the US now are short — and limited, mostly, to family. Thanks for pointing this out.
I’m one of those that, after a year and a half am moving back to California. I tried to learn the language as I think that is key. But even so, the expats I met were my friends. I should have moved to England! As an American from California, going home for a family fix is so far! In my short time in France I went home 3 times! I love meaningful conversations and I found those lacking as, again Americans have a unique perspective. Anyway, your comment about the beauty of the Country probably kept me here longer. It was an adventure I will never forget or regret!!
I’m wondering where you have been living, Nancy. Some areas of France seem to be easier for expats to integrate, even with the language. It sounds like you’ve given it a good try. I do wonder, however, when you return to California, how life will compare to that you’ve experienced the past months in France. You might decide to give France another try, like Julie. I’d love to stay in touch to find out how you’re feeling about it. Thanks for your note… and best wishes wherever you decide to stay. Here’s an idea: Keep enjoying France right here at BFB!
I love Uzes and at one time, it was where I wanted to retire. I haven’t relocated to France yet but I am looking at larger cities because of a concerns about the availability of medical care for both me and my dog. I won’t have a car and my recollection from my last trip there (admittedly a long, long time ago) the only vet was outside of town I’m about your age so availability of medical services is a real concern, even though I have no real medical issues at the present. What are your thoughts on this?
You’re being very thoughtful and realistic, Joanne. Living in a town where transportation options are limited is a big deal if you are of a certain age. You may really enjoy Montpellier, Aix-en-Provence, or Nimes. They are all charming and have excellent medical access — for you and your pet. You’re thinking wisely. I’d love to stay in touch. Let me know where you land.
Great article and food for thought. My hope is to spend three months per year in France when I retire——maybe hopping from region to region. I am a French teacher so the language won’t be a problem, but I think I’d miss my friends and family if I moved to France permanently.
Thank you, Margaret. Your plan is very solid and it’s the way many people enjoy life in France. When you live here, you have plenty of time to change your mind, if staying longer becomes more attractive. Take it slow. But don’t forget that moving out of your “comfort zone” can be one of the most exhilarating experiences in life. You can always turn back. Best of luck, and keep in touch, please!
Dear Deborah,
This is so beautifully written and so clearly expresses the issues for many of us. I think the deep level of unfamiliarity on every level adds to a certain kind of stress too. From door handles to doctors’ offices, what begins as enchantment ends up taking a kind of unconscious toll. Living in a foreign country is very different from visiting and I am not sure therés a way to prepare for it ahead of time.
It’s such a journey of self-discovery, isn’t it?
I have been greatly helped by joining associations that are filters for “my tribe”. One even gave a welcome tea for me when I arrived in Nîmes!!! Although I could barely speak French, but threw myself in.
I had an instant support group.
Today I am going on a “wild plant walk” with a group I don’t know, but share a passion. Maybe there will be a good friend possibility? In any case I will be doing something I love!
So that is something I suggest. Find an Association where “your people” will be if you are interested in becoming more integrated into French life.
And I would also say, give yourself some grace. It takes time to just get here. It’s normal to have those days when you can’t get out of bed.
Today I received a “come back to California” song from my daughter and immediately wondered how I could do it.
You will miss what you don’t have here. That’s okay too.
Thank you always for your thoughts and what I realize is great courage!
Ahulani, thank you so much for your comments. And I couldn’t agree with you more. Living in France — or anywhere other than your home country — is a journey of self-discovery. I wish it for everyone. But it definitely takes someone with a spirit of adventure to thrive. It sounds like you are! As for the “pull” of friends and family back home, you can’t escape it. I’m not certain I ever will. Nevertheless, I choose to live in France. Every time. Every day. Until I don’t.
I have moved many times in the U.S. and feel this has made it more comfortable for me as a slow traveler in France and the UK. I travel with my husband, my best friend, so the social connections we make while “living” overseas are more temporary. With that being said some of our closest friends are those we truly connected with while traveling. They are expats as well as locals. Two we met on bicycles and two we met on a city tour.
Judith, I agree with you that moving often makes living abroad seem easier. I did the same in the US, even to Asia at one time. You learn to adjust. It gets easier each time. But most importantly, you must take a positive spirit with you for each new place. Be open to change and embrace the differences. To me, that’s personal growth and a fulfilling life. It’s not for everyone. But who says life should be “one size fits all?” If we weren’t on this journey, we may never have met! I’m so happy we’ve crossed paths.. and hope to again!